Dysfunctional
by Shrrgnien
Summary: When Bianca Di Angelo joins the Hunters, she soon learns that they're as close as family. But they are, after all, an OLYMPIAN family. Cherry gummy bears, pillow wars, and the self-proclaimed devil incarnate are the least of it.


_Dysfunctional_

"…churlish, pribbling, flea-bitten, earth-vexing, craven, hell-hated _clotpole_!"

One of the girls sighed. "English, Zoë. We speak _English_."

"Besides," said a second girl, suppressing a smile. "I'm pretty sure he's a satyr, not a—what was it again?"

The first girl thought about it. "Um…a gorbellied, beetle-headed, fat-kidneyed-"

"You forgot beef-witted."

"Right. A beetle-headed, beef-witted, fat-kidneyed-"

"Enough, Cynthia. You have made thy point."

"Technically, Zoë, it was _your _point," said Cynthia calmly.

"Indeed," snapped Zoë. "And I believe I made it without thy help."

Bianca Di Angelo was beginning to seriously question the wisdom of this whole spending-eternity-with-the-Hunt arrangement.

Perhaps sensing this, another Hunter—a slight, elfish-looking girl with clever blue eyes and red hair—bounced off her bed and put a comforting arm around the new recruit. "Hey, it's okay, Bianca," she said gently. "I know, it's overwhelming at first, but you'll see—we're all family here. A seriously dysfunctional family, sure, but a family nonetheless." She suddenly seemed to realize something. "_Di immortales_! You haven't really met us at all, have you? C'mon, I'll introduce you to the others while Zoë and Becky give our protective enchantments a once-over."

"I'm a daughter of Hecate," explained the pale, dark-haired girl Bianca assumed was Becky.

"So, that okay with you, Fearless Leader?" continued the red-haired girl.

"Perhaps you should give her back her watch first, Ariana," said Zoë drily.

Stunned, Bianca looked down to find that, sure enough, her wristwatch had disappeared.

The red-haired girl glared at Zoë. "It's _Ari_. Not Ariana, Ari. Honestly, Zoë, how many times have we had this conversation? _Ari_!" she called at Zoë's back as, clearly not listening, the lieutenant exited the cabin. Shaking her head, she turned back to Bianca. Immediately, a dazzling smile appeared on her face. "Ari McMurphy," she said, giving a little bow. "Daughter of Hermes and the devil incarnate to boot."

Bianca began to edge toward the door.

The girl named Cynthia sighed. "Give her back her watch, Ari," she said, and the elfish girl produced the plain black band with no protests.

"I wasn't going to keep it, you know," she assured Bianca.

Cynthia rolled her eyes. "_Sure_ you weren't," she said sarcastically, but she was smiling. "If you want to steal something so badly, why don't you go see if the camp store still has those cherry gummy bears?"

Ari was out the door before Bianca realized she had moved.

"Sorry about her," said Cynthia. "She's actually quite nice when you get to know her, kind of like Zoë, but don't tell her I said that. Now, how about I introduce you to everyone?"

~*~

Cynthia was a mortal—or rather, she had been before she joined the Hunters. This came as a surprise to most people, because, what with her blonde hair and her blue eyes that were almost gray, she looked much like a daughter of Athena. She was one of what she called the "originals" and everyone else called the "old-timers" and Ari respectfully referred to as the "crumblies."

"We—that is, Diana, Alene, and I—have been here for millennia," explained Cynthia. "Diana and I had both been with the Hunt for nigh on a hundred years when _Zoë_ joined, if you can imagine that. We have less trouble with modern English, though."

"Thank the gods for that," muttered a muscular girl with black hair. "I mean, Zoë's great, but one of her is _enough_, thanks."

"This is Phoebe, Bianca," said Cynthia. "She's our resident daughter of Ares."

Phoebe grinned. "Hey, squirt. Zoë already fix you up with a weapon?"

Bianca summoned her bow by way of answer.

Phoebe shook her head. "Archery's your greatest strength, but you have to have some sort of melee defense, especially here. We're right next to the Aphrodite cabin, see, and there have been some nasty incidents…"

"Diana burned their cabin down last time we were here-"began Cynthia.

"By accident!"

"You shot a flaming arrow through an inch-wide opening in the window!"

Phoebe chuckled as Diana continued to protest her innocence. "Those two love each other to death, but you'd never guess it to look at them. Here, have a knife," she added, passing Bianca a long hunting knife and a silver sheath.

"So…" Bianca cast around for a conversation topic. "How long have you been a Hunter?"

Phoebe shrugged. "Oh, about fifty years. The oldest one here-not counting the old-timers, of course-is Tori." She indicated a slim, dark girl who was curled up in a lower bunk at the far end of the cabin, reading a book. (She looked very calm and collected, but Bianca recognized her as the girl who had been muttering, "we're all going to die, we're all going to die" on Apollo's sun bus.) "She's been with the Hunt over three hundred years, but she's probably a lot older than that, as she's a tree nymph."

"And…isn't it a bit unusual for a daughter of Ares to be a Hunter?"

Phoebe laughed out loud. "You want unusual? C'mon, you've gotta meet Kim."

~*~

Kim was lying down on the bunk across from Tori, and like Tori was reading a book. Bianca glanced at the cover and did a double-take, because it was clearly a romance.

Phoebe sighed. "Kim, didn't Zoë say you weren't allowed to read those anymore?"

Kim scowled and turned to Phoebe, letting the book fall open on her lap. At first, Bianca thought the pages were blank, then, with a jolt, she realized that it was covered in small bumps. It was written in Braille. That, coupled with the fact that she wasn't looking directly at Phoebe but rather in the general direction of her voice, made it clear: the girl was blind.

"Do you think I would be reading it if that was the case?" she demanded angrily. "Artemis told her it was in my blood, and that she didn't have a problem with it. After all she's done for me, you think I would go behind her back like that?"

"Ah…in your…blood?" asked Bianca, thoroughly confused.

Kim smiled grimly. "My mother is Aphrodite. Three guesses why I'm now blind."

Bianca blanched. "Your mother _blinded_ you? For…"

"…for joining the Hunters, yes. She was…not quite happy with me."

"But how can you hunt—I mean, if you can't see your target?"

Kim sighed. "No doubt that's exactly what she was thinking. Hoping to have me kicked out, left with nothing. But—and I have no doubt it was Lady Artemis' doing—when I lost my sight, I gained something else, a sort of sixth sense. If I really concentrate, I can sort of dimly sense my target, even though I can't see it."

"She's actually one of our best archers," admitted Phoebe ruefully. "Twice as good as I am. It's a bit humiliating to have a blind girl be a better shot than you, but we can't resent her for it, because we love her too much!"

Kim grinned. "I'm the daughter of the Goddess of Love, remember? You don't have a choice!"

Phoebe chuckled and punched her lightly on the shoulder. "So where's Owen, anyway? Owen's her…seeing-eye wolf, I guess you could say; a gift from Artemis when her mother disinherited her."

"He went with Zoë, to protect her while Becky's doing her freaky hocus-pocus." (An irritated shout of "_I heard that!"_ floated in through the open window.)"I'm not going anywhere," she continued, ignoring the magician, "And the Aphrodite kids…" she laughed. "I mean, the _other_ Aphrodite kids will be less likely to bug her if he's around."

At that moment, a familiar voice exclaimed, "What in the name of-_oof!_"

Turning around, both Phoebe and Bianca felt their jaws drop. While they had been talking, a full-scale pillow war had broken out, with Cynthia and Diana as the generals. Ari, Bianca noticed, was perched safely on an upper bunk, eating cherry gummy bears and cheerfully observing the carnage.

Zoë had left a cabin of Hunters and returned to a war zone.

At the sight of her, the Hunters froze for a moment, and then burst out laughing. The lieutenant opened her mouth as if to ask something, then seemed to decide she didn't want to know. Shaking her head and almost smiling, she handed Cynthia her pillow back, then turned to the single bed near the door and dropped her pack in the center. The small gray wolf at her side trotted over to Kim's bed, jumped up onto the mattress, and lay down beside her, resting his heavy head on her lap. "Hey, Owen," she murmured, removing her fingers from page 234 to stroke his head.

Phoebe sighed. "Let's help the others get this place set up again, squirt, and then I'm going to teach you how to arm-wrestle."

"Don't I have a say in that?"

"Nope."

Bianca felt a slow smile creeping over her face as she helped the others get the cabin into a slightly acceptable condition. Looking around at the Hunters—Diana and Cynthia replacing pillows and blankets, assisted by a small girl with soft brown hair she assumed was Alene; Kim asking Zoë if she was _certain_ there was nothing she could do to help; Tori sweeping up loose feathers; Ari bustling about looking busy, so as to get in prime position for flicking red gummy bears at everyone with uncanny aim—Bianca was absolutely positive that spending the rest of her life with them was going to be the best decision she had ever made.


End file.
